Staring at the screaming kid in the mall and thinking "jesus, shut your kid up already" I would think about how I could've done better. Differently. Walking through a shop or seeing kids at the doctors with parents giving them lollies and giving in to temper tantrums, getting their way so easily. I was the perfect parent in my mind before even having kids. I knew everything about everything. I knew I would never give my kids a dummy or feed them preservatives, I could never have a baby that cries on a plane or kicks up a fuss at the dinner table - because "I'm going to be better than that."
What an idiot. You cannot begin to understand how crazy parenting is until you're smack-bang! in the middle of it. You don't get to judge a mum in the supermarket with a screaming kid who is throwing your bacon and best foods mayo out of your trolley and smashing down the display towers. You don't get to make comments about them. It is embarrassing. You get all flushed and do this weird half apologetic/half mental smile that says "I'm okay, I'm not going to lose it yet". You race to get what you need and definitely have no time for what you want. You'll reach the checkout and hope that the lady serving you can tolerate a little kid trying to pay for your food with half of a chewed cracker smeared on the eftpos machine. She'll return a little smile but secretly hopes your kid keeps his hands to himself. You can reach your car after power walking through the carpark and hope that your kid doesn't start to lose his shit right there before you can chuck them into the car and close the door. Throwing all your groceries into the boot and jumping in the car in record time. You'll take a breath and think to yourself "never again". But you know that next Thursday when you run out of normal people food (e.g.: not sausages and baked beans) and toilet paper, that you'll have to return here and do it all over again. Fuck. It is exhausting. I am exhausted.
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About me
Sarah. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Adrenaline auto injectors are not funded in New Zealand, Please sign the petition to change this. Our family is affected by anaphylaxis as are so many others. You can make a difference!
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August 2016
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