Some days, when you're at home and the whole place looks like actual shit hit a fan and sprayed the place, you just need to get out. Im a big fan of having a night off.
I can't stand judgy people. If I'm a mother 24/7, I'm definitely entitled to a few hours on a Friday night all to myself where I can drink Tequilla and listen to 90's rap with my sister or eat a chocolate bar without being interrogated by a small person. I love my kids and I love my freedom. Its nice to be able to have a balance! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time out. I think it makes us better parents! Tui & I have just returned from an awesome holiday in Sydney visiting my Mum and Dad. We shopped until we dropped, we shopped so much that our bags went over the weight limit at the airport. We went to the beach, had some ferry rides to the City. We had an awesome night out, ate really good food at home & at really nice restaurants and hung out with family. The holiday couldn't have come at a better time and I feel relaxed enough to go back into my chaotic life! I know I've been pretty crap at writing here lately, I've just started my business, starting a new job, trying to look after my babies and running a household. I'll probably post another tonight. Until then, S x
0 Comments
Recently, my mum and I travelled to the Gold Coast with a day's notice.
My nana is in hospital with end stage cancer and we wanted to see her before things start getting worse. (I don't know if thats what you say, I'm not experienced with this at all). I know that most of my blogging is light hearted and a little bit sarcastic but this is a more serious post. I'm mostly writing this for me, so if you don't care to read about this then thats cool. To fully understand this situation, I have to take you back to Year 11 in High School. While going to school, I had moments where I didn't fit in. I always felt like I had no real friends, that I was constantly trying to prove myself. I made some mistakes with the people that I thought were my friends. They used false information to bully me. Hacked into my Facebook page and posted disgusting things on it. There were actually a few physical fights as well during this time and it just made things worse. This is hard for me to write about because I don't normally let people in on my 'feelings'. Ive always had a way with words and sometimes those words got me in to trouble. I started to lose a lot of weight, my parents made me seek counselling and a whole heap of other stuff. Some girls from school burned my clothing and took pictures of me while I was getting ready for PE. It got way out of hand and I decided at the beginning of year 12 to leave school. I needed a way out and decided to move to Australia with my Nana. My mum and dad tried to talk me out of it but me being me, didn't listen to a word they said. When I got there, she gave me a choice between finishing school and getting a job. I chose to finish school and thought this would be a good way to have a clean slate. I was there for a month before anyone even spoke to me. Everyone in my class was either there because they were forced to be or because they were trying to get in to a University. I wasn't either of those things and the classes got boring because I learned all of this stuff at school. I started mucking around because I thought I knew everything. I didn't. I made one friend called Bex who introduced me to a few other people in Melbourne. I started drinking and partying too much and I became someone I didn't like at all. Someone who didn't respect themselves. I was depressed. I couldn't come home because I didn't want to admit defeat. After an incident with getting to school, I ended up being kicked out. My cellphone was taken away and I wasn't allowed to get my belongings back. I had no clothes, no money and nowhere to go. I ended up sleeping at a friends house whose Mum took me in, she was amazing. So loving and really cared about me! I will always remember you Ange, you we're like a second mother to me. I was scared about what would happen, I had never been in a situation like this. At 17, I wanted my mum more than ever. A month later, I was able to contact my mum and she sent me money to come home. I think this really took a toll on mine and my Nana's relationship. I felt like she had betrayed me. I think my mum had a strained relationship with her to begin with so it never started off amazing. After that, I didn't speak with her again. Its been about 5 years until a couple of weeks ago my Uncle told us she is dying. I felt mixed emotions. Mostly angry because I felt like the situation was my fault. I could have had all this time to reconcile with her, we used to be really close. I never did because I let anger get in the way of family. Visiting someone in a place where there is so many people at the end of their lives is scary. This is the first situation that I've experienced any kind of serious illness like cancer. I wasn't sure what to say or do. It is really confronting to face something like this. I was scared because I hate seeing my mum upset! It just about kills me to watch her in any kind of pain. I was terrified my Nana would tell us to leave or ask us why we even came, when we haven't been around the entire time she has been sick. I brought Tui along because I'm still feeding her so I was a bit weary that she might cry a whole lot as well. She doesn't sleep much. We were only in the Gold Coast for 3 days. I wished I could stay longer. Heading home from any kind of trip is the worst part, but leaving someone when you don't know if you'll ever see them again is pretty awful too. I'm hoping to go back but we can't afford to take any kind of trips at the moment. Every time I think about it, it makes me sad. I'm sad that I missed out on all this time with my Nana, that I wasted time that I could have spent with her. In the end, all we have is time and there is nothing worse than wasted time. When I measure my life in time, I think about spending it with my babies. I think about Sunday family dinners. I think about going out on night missions with my squad Mel & Drew. I laugh about the silly games me & my husband play at night like "who can come up with the funniest laugh". I think about cooking with my mum and taking Noah to the park. I remember all the gossip sessions my sister and I have when we're doing our make up together. I will think about skyping my Dad & Kerry on Saturday afternoons. I'll remember spending time with my best friend and dancing in her living room to Celine Dion. I smile thinking about having huge jam sessions at the Folk Festival every year, with a whole heap of instruments playing the best music you'll ever hear. Campfires in the summer and movie nights in winter! The times I spent time with the people I love. Doing the things I love. That will be how I measure the success in my life, all of the times I am happy. Go on, play it! Its great while you're reading. My house always looks like we were robbed by the seven dirtiest dwarfs. I have banana squished in to my carpet and everytime I look at it, my eyes water with hatred towards squishy food.
Baby food sucks! Babies can't hold food in their mouths so it just goes everywhere! Its slimy and mushy and weird brown colour makes me feel ill. My vacuum cleaner is broken so now I'm stuck trying to steal my mum's vacuum from next door.. But they're always using it. In the previous post I touched on the snow storm Noah created in my living room. I'm still trying to scrape Johnson & Johnson out of my scalp. The smell reminds me of baby asshole and it's just overwhelming to my nostrils now. When I was in high school, my mother used to leave a list of tasks for my sister and I to complete when we got home. Like all good procrastinators, I mastered the art of doing everything at the last minute. If we knew she was going to be home at 5:30, we'd jump on Facebook and eat the entirety of the pantry and fridge before even thinking about trying to clean up. I think I deserve a medal for how fast I can vacuum a house to inspection standard. Maybe underneath the couch had a bit of grunge build up but my mum never checked there. At 5:15 we'd look at each other and fear for our lives because we knew all hell would be unleashed if we didn't get our A's into G. Now I own my own house, I fear what other people think if they come over to my place. You open the door and it looks like a Chinese sweat shop. There is shit everywhere, it smells like cooking, my hair doesn't respond to hair products, I have pjamas on. Theres shoes all over the place, dishes in the sink, toys everywhere! Books thrown across the place. My stairs are like Mt Everest to climb, its so dangerous even Sir Edmund Hillary wouldn't attempt to climb it again. I know when my husband gets home, he's too tired to give a shit what the place looks like. He'll have his dinner and collapse into bed. So thats a plus... or is it. The days that I'm slightly motivated to clean, the house gets ravaged. I'll do everything including the windows. That moment of motivation only comes about every second Wednesday so... until then, don't come over. If you do come over, bring a peg for your nose and a blindfold. When the kids are in their teens my house will be SPOTLESS. You know why? Cuz, child labour is why we have kids isn't it? "I'll be home at 5:30 kids" "k whatever mum" "The house better shine like the top of the Chrysler building" "YES MS HANNIGAN" S x My son is a messy kid. |
About me
Sarah. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Adrenaline auto injectors are not funded in New Zealand, Please sign the petition to change this. Our family is affected by anaphylaxis as are so many others. You can make a difference!
Search through my old posts here
August 2016
|