If you appreciate taking the kids to the pool- (and not in the fun, swimming togs & hats kind of way) without interruption, avoid living with toddlers or taking one in to rent your spare bedroom.
The other day I was thinking to myself, how nice it would be if I could just have a moment of peace while I pee... I had just sat down and was interrupted by the sound of something smashing into a million bits and pieces. Noah climbs on the bench, throws a plate into the sink and the shards almost took Tui's eye out. I'm so sorry kids for taking a second to pee. Next time, i'll just pee in a cup so I don't leave you to destroy everything and anything that isn't bolted to the ground. You've heard those people say "oh my god, why weren't you watching your kid" "thats so irresponsible, just leaving them to do whatever they please" HAHAHAHAHAHA, you come and watch Noah for an hour. You'll literally look away for a second and your cellphone will be in the toilet, the couch will be upside down and the oven will be on and smoking up your kitchen.. if he didn't already burn the house down. "He's so cute" "Yeah.. when he's asleep". #MUMLIFE
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Go on, play it! Its great while you're reading. My house always looks like we were robbed by the seven dirtiest dwarfs. I have banana squished in to my carpet and everytime I look at it, my eyes water with hatred towards squishy food.
Baby food sucks! Babies can't hold food in their mouths so it just goes everywhere! Its slimy and mushy and weird brown colour makes me feel ill. My vacuum cleaner is broken so now I'm stuck trying to steal my mum's vacuum from next door.. But they're always using it. In the previous post I touched on the snow storm Noah created in my living room. I'm still trying to scrape Johnson & Johnson out of my scalp. The smell reminds me of baby asshole and it's just overwhelming to my nostrils now. When I was in high school, my mother used to leave a list of tasks for my sister and I to complete when we got home. Like all good procrastinators, I mastered the art of doing everything at the last minute. If we knew she was going to be home at 5:30, we'd jump on Facebook and eat the entirety of the pantry and fridge before even thinking about trying to clean up. I think I deserve a medal for how fast I can vacuum a house to inspection standard. Maybe underneath the couch had a bit of grunge build up but my mum never checked there. At 5:15 we'd look at each other and fear for our lives because we knew all hell would be unleashed if we didn't get our A's into G. Now I own my own house, I fear what other people think if they come over to my place. You open the door and it looks like a Chinese sweat shop. There is shit everywhere, it smells like cooking, my hair doesn't respond to hair products, I have pjamas on. Theres shoes all over the place, dishes in the sink, toys everywhere! Books thrown across the place. My stairs are like Mt Everest to climb, its so dangerous even Sir Edmund Hillary wouldn't attempt to climb it again. I know when my husband gets home, he's too tired to give a shit what the place looks like. He'll have his dinner and collapse into bed. So thats a plus... or is it. The days that I'm slightly motivated to clean, the house gets ravaged. I'll do everything including the windows. That moment of motivation only comes about every second Wednesday so... until then, don't come over. If you do come over, bring a peg for your nose and a blindfold. When the kids are in their teens my house will be SPOTLESS. You know why? Cuz, child labour is why we have kids isn't it? "I'll be home at 5:30 kids" "k whatever mum" "The house better shine like the top of the Chrysler building" "YES MS HANNIGAN" S x My son is a messy kid. Dear Tui,
Having a daughter is scary. You are young now, you have just learnt to stand but eventually you'll be big and beautiful. You will be kind and have a smile so pretty people will stare. Your laugh will be infectious and you might have a lisp when you talk-people might say things but its not so bad. Embrace your curves, they are a gift you do not yet know. Your body is one to be loved and admired. You will love yourself and I will make sure of this. We'll dance in our underwear to the Spice Girls. I will try to give all of my body confidence and then some more for the road. You'll be the kind of woman that people will inspire to be like. You'll be book smart, street smart.. Life smart. I hope you make mistakes. I hope you go out with your friends, that you try to sneak out and go to a party. I hope you meet a boy when you're ready. Don't tell your father I said that. I want you to learn things and see stuff. I want you to question everything and ask why? I hope you love to read like I do. We can share books by Jodi Picoult and talk about Grey's Anatomy. By then Grey will be a classic and we can cry and eat popcorn together. I hope you share your fathers love of music, maybe even a bit of his talent too. I really hope you can forgive easily, that you know I'm just human. You'll slam doors and you'll be grounded a few times- I'm sure! You and your brother might get sent to Granny's house and she might feed you chocolate cake for breakfast. You two will keep this a secret from me but its one I know and one that I expected. You'll tell her things about your life and I'll pretend not to know them already because I'm the type of mother who can keep a secret when it is needed. You'll push our boundaries and test our parenting abilities. We have to be ready for the challenge. I hope one day I share with you my stories. I will have so many to tell you. Your dad will too. One day, when you are ready to hear about them I will share with you how we grew up together. How I was young and had no idea what I was doing. You'll see my hair turn grey, my wrinkles will come. I'll be older on the outside but i'll try to remember to keep it young on the inside. When you tell me I do my eyebrow make up too dark I'll try not to beat you up. When you start using mascara and make your eyes look like spiders and foundation that is closer to an oompa loompa's skin tone, I will try REALLY hard not to laugh because I love you. I'll try to make sure you can rap every single word of lose yourself by Eminem just because of the cool cred you can get from this. I will say no a lot. I will try to protect you from things when I know that deep down, you are capable of handling the situation because I taught you well. I'll put my arms out and try to hold your hand in public, deal with it. I might yell out of the car window and beep just for shits and giggles. My mother did it to me-its basically a right of passage. I'll drink wine and make delicious food just like my mother taught me. I will try to be patient. When you take my hand and show me things, when you open up to me or when you want my help i'll be there. When you cry, i'll cry. When a boy hurts you, I will take a shovel and bury that motherf.. Ok, no I will sit on your bed and tell you he is a shithead. We'll laugh and hug it out. When you have your first day at school, your first kiss, your first dance, your first baby if that is what you choose- I will love you still. Always. You have so many people who love you Tui, so much family and friends. You and Noah are so loved. Your dad and I will spend our lives making sure that you both know this. Love always, love big, love forever Your mama S x |
About me
Sarah. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Adrenaline auto injectors are not funded in New Zealand, Please sign the petition to change this. Our family is affected by anaphylaxis as are so many others. You can make a difference!
Search through my old posts here
August 2016
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