This isn't easy for me to write but I've never been one to have a lot of close friends. I sometimes think it is because I'm a bitch or hard to get along with but to tell you the truth I'm not really sure why. I have a few friends and a best friend. I'm one of those people that doesn't need to see said friends frequently to keep the connection going. I don't like to be clingy or feel like I'm being annoying. But i'll tell you what, making mum friends is the scariest thing ever.
I'm in the in-between age. Not a teen-mum but too young to really be one of those playcentre, coffee group mothers that seem to have their lives so organised they literally plan each and every detail of their days (this is really intimidating for me). I'm not overly confident about it either so when I'm faced with meeting new mums I feel really awkward. I've met a few older parents in their later 20's to 30's that I feel like we just can't relate to each other or they just look down on me because I'm young. I don't really know how to talk to them or if what I say will be met with judgement because I've started my family at a young age. I have met mums who assumed I was older but when they find out my age, they suddenly treat me differently or talk to me condescendingly after I tell them I'm twenty one and married. They ask me if I am a christian or why I decided to get married so fast, if my parents approved, if my husband is a sugar daddy (he wishes), if I was forced to be married and other really weird questions. In my ante natal group, we made friends with one other couple that we have stayed in touch with (and happened to give birth on the same day, next door to us!) but other than that none of us really made the effort to connect. We were all really different people, different backgrounds.. and I think it would have been cool if we did try to get a group going afterwards but it never eventuated into anything (and I'm a pussy and didn't try and make the first move). I have made a couple of awesome friends through SPACE have some friends from school that have had babies, that I regularly see. I really don't know what it is that makes me so uncomfortable about making friends. I think I might be scared of the way people might judge me or my parenting. None of us are doing it the "RIGHT" way I think. There is no 'one way' to raise children. I made a general guideline of what I think a mum friend should be; 1. Can't be too serious about life. Can make jokes about the perils of motherhood/fatherhood. Can see the funny side of being shit on. Sense of humour is a must! 2. Likes to eat cake. Chocolate will do too. 3. Enjoys alcohol. Just cuz. 4. Has a child that doesn't sleep through the night so we have something mutually sucky to converse about, occasionally can't be bothered getting dressed, thinks pj's are an appropriate way to greet the courier, eats pizza. 5. Is understanding of the fact that two children = not being able to go out a lot, will find it hard to 'go for coffee' in the week, can't do lots of fun outings because we're poor lol. So, next time you're on the playground, at playgroup, in the shopping centre or at ante natal group.. If a mum is asking you how old your baby is, if you have one or more or just any generalised parenting question or even how you are- she is probably just trying to make a friend. Winter is the worst time to be a stay at home mum because you get stuck inside a lot! It gets lonely when everyone has their own lives going on. I want some of those friends who text/call and are like "on our way over" or "going to chipmunks are you coming or what"? That would be awesome. I'm totally making myself sound like a loser in this post. I will try to make a new friend this week. That is my goal. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.... S x
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About me
Sarah. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Adrenaline auto injectors are not funded in New Zealand, Please sign the petition to change this. Our family is affected by anaphylaxis as are so many others. You can make a difference!
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August 2016
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