Do I look uncomfortable to you? This is me and Tonga, about 8cm dilated and trying to coax Noah out with a nice relaxing bath. Think again. He didn't want to come out (that should have been an indication of Noah's stubborn personality). I think my uterus was a really nice place to live. Both of my kids went overdue, TEN DAYS too many and I was over it. I wanted to reach inside and pull this little nugget out myself but I had to wait. I tried everything! Lunges, pineapple, curry, walking (I hate exercise).. I even held a chocolate bar to my vagina to see if the baby was like his mother.. Nothing was working. I went in to hospital after my contractions started to get stronger and closer together. My midwife had told me to wait for pain and suffering but that wasn't coming around so I starting getting worried like any first time mum; I was questioning why I did this to myself? Would I rip my buthole like that weird lady in the shopping carpark said? Did I have enough time to straighten my hair? All these really important questions circling my mind. I really wanted to eat something but my midwife said I couldn't. That was probably my worst nightmare come true. Thanks Tonga and mum for eating Mcdonalds in front of me. I wanted a water birth but really had no solid birth plan, I'm more of a see-what-happens-and-then-panic type of gal. Plans are made to fail and failure upsets me so I avoided the stress of deciding. Instead I went with the flow as I had no idea what to expect and I'm really glad I did. Even though the contractions got pretty intense near the end, I was never in extreme pain. I was really excited and ready for this 1000kg sack of flour to be born so I could finally stand up straight and see my feet again. I got into the water and it slowed everything down again! I was so pissed. My midwife made me walk up and down a hill outside the hospital. I was walking and cursing my midwife at the same time. I had to stop a few times because the sun was scorching me and I was just generally mad at her for making me do exercise (aint no body get me running unless its to the fridge or the dinner table). My mum was watching me out of the window to my birthing room and laughing. She is the devil. I got back and tried to have a little nap. When I awoke, I felt like I needed to crap my pants. It was time to push and I was thinking... holy shit this is it, I'm about to bring a human into the world through a really small hole. I'm basically a super hero. Noah was born at 6:19 pm, on January 27th. I remember looking at my mum and saying I could do that again. Well, those were famous last words. When I was in labour with Tui it felt like I was being ripped open by a shark. My contractions were so painful. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to go in to the hospital early and I got sent home because it wasn't even near the right time. I couldn't believe it. I wanted all the drugs the universe could provide. I was prepared to give myself a bloody epidural with a pencil. I wanted to suck the gas. I wanted X, Y, Z and any other prescription medication/alcohol/illegal drugs I could have gotten at that time in the morning. I was staring at Tonga driving me home with a stare that could have burned holes in his face. I wished he would be castrated to feel the same kind of pain I was feeling. That wouldn't have even come close! I tried to dull the pain in the bath at home, my tears starting filling up the bath. My mum was trying to make me feel better by adding oil and candles. I wanted to light myself on fire for deciding to do this for a second time. I vowed right there and then, to never have sex again. I went in to hospital later that day, had an epidural and I felt like I wanted to marry the doctor that gave it to me. I told her she was an angel and I was going to name my baby after her. Her name was really long and complicated so in the end I decided against that. Besides, I can't be held liable for the things I say when on drugs. She was the real superhero that day. My whole body felt like jelly and I could no longer feel the burning in my stomach. I pushed for ages, I probably pooed myself. When you give birth, you gotta leave your dignity at the door. In the beginning you care about what you look like, who will see your business end.. and all that. When you're in the middle of it, you wont care if the entire team of All Blacks are in there to see you crap yourself. People say you forget the pain after you've given birth but that isn't the case. I made a mental note to remember this time so I don't do it again. My husband has other plans for a rugby team and I told him if he can squeeze one out of his penis, then he can go right ahead. If you are about to have a baby, good luck. It is an intense experience. One that you'll never forget! Trust your body and go with the flow. Here is some never before seen (recently stumbled upon) pictures of me looking like absolute shite, trying to give birth to Noah. Until next time, S x
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About me
Sarah. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Adrenaline auto injectors are not funded in New Zealand, Please sign the petition to change this. Our family is affected by anaphylaxis as are so many others. You can make a difference!
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August 2016
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